Moving on, Letting go...

So much has changed since I started this blog. My focus, my dreams, my life. Most have been changes for the good, although our life is far from perfect.

I no longer fear for my or my child's safety on a daily basis. The violent rages are mostly gone, and when they return for a brief reunion, they are a shadow of what we had before. Not that it isn't scary to have your 7 year old child attack you and try to inflict as much damage as possible, but it is not as much of a nightmare as it was before.

I know a lot of the reasons why my child is the way he is. I am still searching and learning, because I think there may be more there than just BiPolar, which is common. I have found other people who actually understand what life with a child like this is like. I have been able to get him medication to make life more managable, though I feel like we have not gotten things as under control as we can.

We, as a family are no longer homeless. We always had a roof over our heads, but now we have our own (small) apartment, and we are not likely to need to go to a shelter any time soon. We have our first real pets. In the past we had a couple fish, 3 mice, and a hamster at different times. Now we have two adorable kittens that have brought a lot of joy and laughter to our home.

I am trying to start a business, and it may even be a success, if I can ever get over the first hurdle of launching.

I think we are going to make it. We are not where we should be yet, but we are on the way.

The Journey Begins

I have been travelling this journey on my own, and have now decided to document where I am now, where I have been, and where I am going.

I have been on my own healing journey for 13 years. My children are 10 and 6, so their journey has been a lot shorter. Both of my children have inherited a legacy of mental illness and dysfunction. I endeavor to break the cycle for them, and start them on the healing journey before they go too far down the path of pain and illness.

My daughter, 10, is arguably the most "normal" in our family. However, she does suffer from depression, and seems to have a high anxiety level. I am also wondering if her excessive energy could be mania.

My son, 6, at the moment is the one who is being focused on, due to the severity of his illness. We are still trying to get an official diagnosis, but I see all the signs of bipolar in his behavior. No one else will agree with me, and we are still on a long wait to get him in to see a doctor.

Both of my children have been hurt by the results of my illness, as well as their father, who is no longer a part of their lives. On his side of the family, they have inherited a tendency toward depression, bipolar, and possibly more. They also had to endure his anger and disinterest for years. From me they get a long history of depression, anxiety, migraines, maybe more...They also recently went through a very tramatic experience of being removed from our home while I got my health issues under control. I believe this is what triggered the current severity of my son's symptoms, as well as the extreme separation anxiety they both now have.