Hospitals and Stuff

We just got home from a three hour visit to the Emergency Room. Not the best way to spend the evening. I am not really sure it was helpful, but am hoping that at least it will document what is going on.

I tried tonight to give my son his medication twenty minutes early, telling him he was going to go to bed a little early. He refused to take them, then proceeded to throw things at me, smash every electronic he could find onto the floor, spray air freshener at me, and finally, as I decided to take him to the ER, bit me on the way out the door.

By the time we got there, he was calm, like nothing had happened. Until they took us back to a room - without a TV. (I told the triage nurse that it may be rewarding for him to watch TV, so they chose that room on purpose, and with my blessing.) He actually showed them a little bit of what he can do, although the only thing in the room to throw was a pillow. But, he made good use of it by throwing the pillow and pillowcase separately. If I had requested it, they would have admitted him tonight.

That is scary. On the one hand, I want him to get the help he needs, and I want the violence to stop. On the other, I don't want us to be at the point where hospitalization is the only option. I hope we have not gotten there, and that I made the right choice tonight. I guess the next few days will show that.

Two more days to get ready for the first IEP meeting of the year (one week until school starts.) If things are this bad without school, how are we going to make it through third grade?

First Steps

Today was the first visit with the behavioral specialist. No instant answers, but I am so glad we are finally able to work with him. I have high hopes that he will be able to give us some solutions.

Still no word on the evaluation at the school. I just want someone to put a name to what is wrong with my son, so we can make a plan to help him get better.

Today was a good day for him. He got a little agitated when the behavioralist was asking questions, but this guy knew enough to back off before the kid blew. Other than that, everything was peaceful. No hitting, kicking or screaming. He came up and gave me a hug when I picked him up from school today. Big change from the last couple days when he came right up to me and kicked me and hit me in the face because he wanted to go to day care.

And both kids were asleep by 6:00, so I am at peace for the moment.

The Journey Begins

I have been travelling this journey on my own, and have now decided to document where I am now, where I have been, and where I am going.

I have been on my own healing journey for 13 years. My children are 10 and 6, so their journey has been a lot shorter. Both of my children have inherited a legacy of mental illness and dysfunction. I endeavor to break the cycle for them, and start them on the healing journey before they go too far down the path of pain and illness.

My daughter, 10, is arguably the most "normal" in our family. However, she does suffer from depression, and seems to have a high anxiety level. I am also wondering if her excessive energy could be mania.

My son, 6, at the moment is the one who is being focused on, due to the severity of his illness. We are still trying to get an official diagnosis, but I see all the signs of bipolar in his behavior. No one else will agree with me, and we are still on a long wait to get him in to see a doctor.

Both of my children have been hurt by the results of my illness, as well as their father, who is no longer a part of their lives. On his side of the family, they have inherited a tendency toward depression, bipolar, and possibly more. They also had to endure his anger and disinterest for years. From me they get a long history of depression, anxiety, migraines, maybe more...They also recently went through a very tramatic experience of being removed from our home while I got my health issues under control. I believe this is what triggered the current severity of my son's symptoms, as well as the extreme separation anxiety they both now have.